Would you like to?
by Slytherin Buttercat
Summary: letter!fic. Dolores Umbridge is offered the position of Defence teacher by Cornelius Fudge


**Round Five QLFC:**

 **Holyhead Harpies, Chaser 3**

 **Prompts: (word) demure, (style) Letter!fic, (colour) dusty pink, (scenario) Dolores Umbridge is appointed her position at Hogwarts by Cornelius Fudge**

 **Word Count: 915 (according to Google Docs)**

 **Thanks to my wonderful beta Ever!**

* * *

 _Dolores Umbridge,_

 _How has life been treating you recently? Before you ask, I am well, despite all of the nonsense that Dumbledore has been spewing. Can you believe him? How dare he try to tarnish my reputation like this!_

 _That, however, is not what I wrote to tell you about. I also didn't write to tell you that you left your cardigan at mine last week_ — _a very fetching dusty pink one, I might add!—_ _but I felt that I should inform you of that piece of information because I have attached_ _said_ _cardigan. It has a simple_ _F_ _eather_ _C_ _harm on it, and should be fine once you take it out of the parcel it's in._

 _Instead, I wrote to tell you that I have a proposal for you._

 _Do you remember back in_ _F_ _ifth_ _Y_ _ear when you, a demure young lady, declared that you hated Defence Against the Dark Arts and claimed that you could do a much better job than Professor Hibbles? That was such a great year: Narcissa fell in the Black Lake, and those four troublesome first-years got into serious trouble for it_ _._

 _I digress. Sentimental memories are not the reason I'm writing to you, however sweet they are. The Defence Against the Dark Arts position is open again, due to the last professor being an imposter. Can you believe Dumbledore just let a Death Eater in the school without consequence? And people thought he would be a better_ _M_ _inister than I would…_

 _Would you like to be the new professor? I believe that you would be the best for the job. You could keep an eye on that Potter brat_ — _make sure he's not acting up. You can control the school,_ _and_ _make sure it_ ' _s up to_ _the_ _Ministry_ ' _s_ _standards. If you can, try to get rid of Dumbledore and take his place. You_ ' _d like that, wouldn't you?_ _Merlin knows, I would…_

 _Of course, if you don't accept_ _,_ _I can always ask someone else. I just thought you would be the best for the job: you're a sweet lady who knows how to get information from others_ — _information that we need. I hope to hear from you shortly._

 _Your Minister,_

 _Cornelius Fudge_

* * *

 _Cornelius Fudge,_

 _I am well, thank you for asking._

 _I have heard something about Potter using magic twice before; is that true? If so, why wasn't he charged? This whole thing could be sorted out already! No more Potter at Hogwarts, it would've be_ _en_ _delightful._

 _I remember that day. I believe it was Narcissa's cousin who pushed her in_ _to_ _the lake_ — _Sirius Black._

 _Haven't you found him yet? Maybe send out more_ _search_ _missions_ _so you can_ _find that murderer. He_ ' _s_ _certainly_ _not the type of person you_ ' _d like running around._

 _I accept your offer. I can't wait to influence_ _those poor children with_ _everything I know. Their Defence Against the Dark Arts schedule has been pretty hectic, but I_ ' _m hoping to change that. Dumbledore actually allowed a beast to teach them. How traumatising!_

 _My lessons would be prim and proper, as they should be. No foolish wand-waving: when would they ever need their wands to defend themselves? Besides, if they know the spell_ _,_ _they might attack innocent people. Nobody would want to condone that sort of reckless behaviour; apart from Albus Dumbledore_ _, of course,_ _as he_ ' _s always_ _encourag_ _ing_ _th_ _e_ _se ideas. Can you believe him?_

 _Your_ _undersecretary_ _,_

 _Dolores Umbridge_

* * *

 _Dolores Umbridge,_

 _Harry Potter has one case of underage magic on his record. He has one warning left._

 _With regards to the criminal, Black, t_ _here_ ' _s no point in sending out more Aurors: they always come back empty-handed. I believe that someone out there must be helping him._

 _I still can't understand how people want Dumbledore to be Minister over me! It's not like he_ ' _s ever shown interest in running the country. Also, he_ ' _s obviously going senile in his old age. I don't think he should even be teaching a school in his state of mind._

 _You must change the school for the better, Dolores. Check the students. Watch over them. Guide them through life. Make sure that they do not_ _just aimlessly_ _follow Dumbledore._

 _As if You-Know-Who is back! It's just a fantasy Harry Potter made up to get attention. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has been dead for years now, everyone knows that. The dead can't just come back_ — _that idea defies everything we have ever learnt!_

 _But_ _,_ _of course, Dumbledore thinks he can do whatever he wants. Just because he was a bloody Gryffindor, he thinks he_ ' _s so great! Well, I know the truth. He is a lying, cheating piece of scum._

 _Oh, but_ _I shouldn't sound so bitter_ _about_ _the_ ' _greatest_ _wizard to ever live_ ' _. After all, it's not like he_ ' _s ever been unbiased towards Slytherins, or anything_ _!_

 _Your Minister,_

 _Cornelius Fudge_

* * *

 _Dolores Umbridge,_

 _I am inviting you to_ _participate_ _in a court case involving Harry Potter. We have evidence that he has been using underage magic. He cast a Patronus Charm in Little Whinging at six twenty-three yesterday evening. This court case will take place on the twelfth of August. I do hope that you can make it!_

 _Your Minister,_

 _Cornelius Fudge_

* * *

 _Cornelius Fudge,_

 _I_ _most graciously accept._ _I wouldn't want to miss that for the world_ _!_

 _Why did Potter cast the Patronus Charm, though? I'm pretty sure there_ _aren't any_ _D_ _ementors in the Muggle part of Britain. Unless the depraved boy was hallucinating._ _(And_ _that wouldn't surprise me_ _, considering_ _he_ _so_ _idolises Albus Dumbledore_ _)_ _._

 _Until I see you again,_

 _Your_ _undersecretary,_

 _Dolores Umbridge_

* * *

 **Eh.**

 **~Buttercat**


End file.
